Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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