Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
