Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
