why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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