The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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