You can't motorboat a personality
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
