I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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