Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize