I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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