Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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