i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
