I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
