i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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