And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize