Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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