Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
