marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
