If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
