I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
