I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
