CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
