i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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