allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My balls are so social today.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
