Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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