look no pants
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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