You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
