I accidentally had phone sex last night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My dick has a subreddit
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
