Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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