i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
