I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
