I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
