the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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