Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
