Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
