ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
