sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
