I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
