Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
