my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
