so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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