We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
