My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
