id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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