other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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