just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
