I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
