Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
