i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Im part way to drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
