I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
