listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
