I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
