Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
