whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
