I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
