i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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