So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
