There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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