Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
