hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
