I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
