I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize