youre lurking in front of me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
