WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
