What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
