I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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