i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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