I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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