i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Randomize
