i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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