Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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