I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will pee on everything he values.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
